Sunday, March 27, 2016

My Life in Pieces & What This Blog is Going to Become

 
Ahem, long time no see. Let's start out with some questions. Why have I not posted since the beginning of March? Is this blog falling apart? Do I even want to blog anymore? Should I just delete this blog and start over? Should I blog about something besides books? Should I just give up on the internet?

So I made this post in two parts. One about the personal my-life-is-falling-apart things, and one about the future of this blog and whether or not it's going to continue. I'm not sure if that's actually important to anyone whatsoever, but I think I need to get my ideas and problems written out and organized before I make any major, life-changing decisions.

My Life in Pieces


In the last few months, my social, personal, and academic life have semi-fallen apart. Mental health is....an issue, and I'm honestly shocked my grades aren't totally suffering.

Things that have happened:

 

1. I started coming out to people in my real life.


I know I never fully explained it on here, but sexuality for me is....strange. I've basically been coming out as "mostly gay" or "gayish" to most of my close friends for the past couple of months. This has definitely been putting a lot of stress on me, not to mention some weird friend situations. So that's fun!

2. My parents are getting divorced.


When I was first told about this, I wasn't really all that freaked out (or shocked). But after about a month of mental breakdowns and being yelled at for no apparent reason I'm a little on edge. If you know what I mean.

3. Half-moving because of said divorce.


The amount of time I've spent putting things in boxes in the last week might just amaze you. So, um, I've never actually moved before. And this whole split-your-shit-in-half thing has me literally staring at walls overwhelmed with things of sentimental value. We all realize how hard it is to be productive when you spend all your time staring at walls, right?

I've really been trying to help out my parents and their frequent stress, and that's taking up quite a lot of my time. I hoping by the end of the next couple of weeks that will be sorted out at least a little bit, but who knows.

4. Academic stress.


By now, most of this has already sorted itself out. We're about to start a new grading period, which basically just means I GET TO START OVER. And starting over is always nice.

Last quarter (my school works in quarters, by the way, in case that's different for you), I actually had to drop a class because it ended up being....not exactly what I was expecting, and also something I very quickly realized caused a pretty insane amount of unbearable social anxiety. The problem is that this whole social anxiety thing made it quite difficult to drop the class. I did get it done eventually. That's good, I guess.

To be honest, I'm just glad I got my geometry grade up to a B. Obviously, for any other class that would be unacceptable, but for math? I think I'll live.

 

5. Depression decided that it was a good time to pay a visit.


Really, I can't complain too much, as it's not nearly as bad as the depression I had last year, but it's still really getting in the way. This combine with everything else? Basically a nightmare.

6. I got a ukulele!


This is clearly the most positive thing on this list.... In a short amount of words, I got a ukulele to combat depression. Believe it or not that's actually working! It's nice to have an excuse to get away from people, and I've always wanted to properly learn to play an instrument. (Properly just meaning not giving up after a year of not practicing and being terrible.)

7. Reading slump.


I think my major reading slumps usually go with depression. Probably because depression is basically a reading slump of life. A life slump. And books are my life.

I haven't read a book in weeks and I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

8. Tumblr.


I've actually had a Tumblr for a while, but I hadn't used it until a month ago. NOW I'M OBSESSED. LIKE THIS IS A LEGITIMATE PROBLEM. I'M WASTING MY LIFE ON TUMBLR.

I think I like Tumblr because it's less stressful than a blog like this. It's more random, and I feel like I'm not as much in a box as a am with a more "professional" blog like this one. Sometimes I write about books, but it's mostly other fandomy things and short rants. I never write posts more than a few paragraphs, and that's only when they contain actual words. They're short and sweet, and if you don't have the energy to be creative, you can just reblog stuff and you're still just active.

 

What This Blog is Going to Become


What is it going to become? I HAVE NO IDEA.

But anyway....

Changes:

1. No more Discussion Question Monday.


As much as I love discussions, having a dedicated weekly series is just too much. Most of the time the posts are sloppy and sucking and probably some other s-words. So that's being tossed out the window.

2. Less posts in general.


I think I might start doing a once a week thing. Maybe twice a week. It's probably going to be on a weekend, but honestly it could be any day of the week. Possibly at some point (like summer) I might start posting in the same kind of schedule I had a few months ago, but for now I'm going to slow down and get myself back into the mood.

 

3. Less book-related posts.


While I will definitely continue this blog mostly being about books, I want to stop limiting myself and just post what I want. Whether that's about music or Netflix or school, I'm going to post it. And it's probably going to make me happier.

4. Start promoting more.


I'm probably going to start intermingling my Tumblr and this blog more, but mostly promoting my Blogger blog on my Tumblr blog. Tumblr and its tags will hopefully make my posts more visible. I might also pick up something like Instagram or Pinterest to better make myself known. I feel like I've spent a lot of time not promoting and just waiting for people to come to me, and that's very obviously not working.

 

5. Make some actual friends.


Sure, I talk to people online quite a bit, but I think I've completely failed when it comes to making friends. How do some people just go online and instantly meet their best friend? How do you people do this? Am I just that sad and unsocial? How do I do this? How does one accomplish this goal? I sound desperate af.
 

In Conclusion


I hope these goals actually hold out. I'm going to (at least attempt) to complete them. Let's see how the rest of April goes, I guess.

2 comments:

  1. Hello!! I'm so sorry that these days aren't going well for you <3. My parents divorced 4 years ago so I completely understand you! It's ok for the posts if you feel better this way my advice is to post maybe once a week and if you want sometimes you can write some bonus posts!
    I can't make friends on the internet neither.. I still need to understand how to say "do you want to talk and be friends" in a non-creepy way!
    Hope it'll get better for you soon,
    ~Arvenig

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    1. Hi! Thanks you so much! <3 I think I might actually do more of a every four or five days thing rather than a full seven, but I'm hoping that'll give me more time to make my posts better and more thought out. And, yes, how exactly people make friends so quickly on the internet just baffles me. Some people just have impressive social skills I guess.... :)

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